Mama it's coming on 4 years since you left. When I go to the cemetary and clean off your grave I remember 40 great years with you. I was a heathen at times but I never meant to cause you any pain... ever. I am so sorry for it all. I look for answers but I never find them except when you send me the pennies and then today you sent back the ring I gave you and thought I lost. I cried and held it to my heart because I know in my soul you were here with me. As always you are here for me like you were in life. The life I wish I could live over and over over just to be with you. How I ache inside to remember my last words to you when I whispered ion your ear, I saw the tear fall from your eye... One single tear and you were gone. I wanted so much just to say that I loved you when your eyes were open and you were still alive but I will never have that chance. Even so mama I talk to you still as though you were alive and next to me because I believe that when you are with the Lord you are forever alive. Only that comforts me. Only that. Still mama I ache for you so deep inside my heart and when you sent the ring back I so searched for...... I miss you mama and I love you with every second, minute, moment, hour and day and night. I miss you mama and I know you walk among the roses in Heaven with daddy and Jesus. Love Forever,
The 4th Year Without You / Paula Jones (Christmas Baby (Daughter) )Read >>
The 4th Year Without You / Paula Jones (Christmas Baby (Daughter) )
Dearest Mother,
It's coming on the 4th year without you and I miss you so very much. I watch the leaves change and fall and fade away and all I can think is how Fall feels like a time when everyone and everything you have leaves you... like the leaves on the trees.. like you. I know you are Home with Jesus and Dad and all the people you shared your life with who have gone with you, but I so long for you to be here once more with me. A dream I can never have, A dream I can't ever even hope for, just this terrible emptiness and pain. I still cry, almost every day in fact, your pictures on the wall make me cry but they also comfort me. Thank you for all the pennies mom, they have done wonders for my heart. I love you mama, with all my heart and with all of my very soul and I miss you so much. I will love You forever and until I see you in Heaven one day, I will long for you until then.
I have been thinking of you as I always do, It's hard to Imagine that Four years ago you and I were really fighting a hard battle, one that I will always think of as the most important battle we ever weathered together, at times I wonder how we got through it all, But I know that it was God that carried you, and I know that you prayed daily that God would give me the strength to be encouraged and never let anything get me down, and I thank you so much for every prayer you said for me, I know from heaven you are keeping a watchful eye on me, I feel blessed in knowing you are still there in some way, doing what a loving mother would do for her children.
I can look back at everything, now that some time has passed us by, and I know that it was a true blessing to be able to do what I had to do to make things better for you, I know you loved and appreciated everything that was done to your advantage, but time doesn't make the loss of you any better. I carry in my heart the pain of missing you each and everyday and I will for the rest of my life.
I just want the world to know what a special mother you were and are. I can't thank God enough for blessing me and the rest of your children to have you for a Mother, you truly were and are one of a kind.
I love and miss you much more than I can put into words. May you forever live in the everloving arms of Jesus, you are truly missed.
Mama it's me Paula... I know I wont have the time to write to you and daddy but for today I will write to you. Every day I get the strangest thought in my head that I need to call you and I realize that I can't, that you are gone forever and there is no calling home ever again. I left Pueblo and I know that you know, somehow I know that you do and I feel like I left you behind and deserted you even though I know what lies there in that cemetary are only your remains, I still feel this overwhelming and painful stab in my heart that I left you and I am to far away to ever be close again. You would be so disappointed with me, like I thought you always were and had a right to be if you were but now it's worse than ever. Atleast living there around everyone and all alone, I was not being hit by any man and you would not be happy if you knew that was happening now, and if you do mama I wish you would tell Jesus to make him stop even though he hasn't in several days. I wish you would grab a broom from up there and swat him across the head with it but I know that all those worldly feelings don't happen in Heaven and I know, if I know nothing else, that you love me, that you always loved me and that you always wanted the best for me. I would like to say like I used to " don't worry mama, I'll be fine but I can't say that knowing it might end up a lie because I can't see tomorrow or the next moment in front of me. What I can see though are the constant cravings and feelings of how very, very much I love you, cherish you, miss you and long to one day see you again, and I live for that day if no other. I missed writing on here Christmas, I missed Thanksgiving and I missed New Years and your birthday and for that I feel like I don't have the right to even be here where I am now, but I do and I know that if you can see me down here mama, you also can see the tears running down my face as I type. The world is an empty place without you and dad, and I just wish I could be in trouble again and hiding from you both so that I could simply feel us together again. I love you mama... don't forget me in Heaven. God Bless You Forever. Love, Your Christmas Baby, Paula
Mom, well it is almost time for thanksgiving once again, this will be be the 4th one without you around to cook or to supervise things, and most of all to enjoy your warmth and love. it seem's so cold without you, it seems so empty and like nobody is there anymore to really talk to when I needed a lift in life, and it is truly hard to deal with, I miss you in every way possible. I guess the wound of you passing on to God above just won't heal and it never will, they say it get's better in time and I find that is not true, I will never be able to live life the way I once did when you were here giving advice and most of all keeping everyone in unity, it seems that everyone has fell apart in all ways, and it is sad, I can only know that you are up in Heaven keeping us all intact and I guess I just can't open up and talk to my siblings about how much I miss you or all the things that we shared before you went home with God, the stress of everything that went down and how much of it all nobody understands, even those closest to me. I have no regrets about every moment I was with you at your side, at home or at the hospital waiting for the Dr's to bring me the bad news I didn't want to hear and doing this all alone, God said he wouldn't put no more on us than we can bear and I know he didn't, he walked me though it all, and if I know you, I know you prayed for me during this time, when I look back at it all now, I know you knew you were going home and I was in denial and just hoping for a miracle, But God had another plan and made you an angel and rightfully so, I just wish you were here for thanksgiving once again because I miss you more and more everyday. I want to call you on the phone like I used to but I can't, I miss that so much, I know you are watching over me and I know you asked God to do this also because everything always works out when it is bad or good in whatever is happening in my life. God bless you and may God forever hold you in his loving arms. love always Terry
Mom, today has marked the 3rd year that you have been gone, and it is sad for me to think of that day when you went home with God, it gets harder everyday that you are gone, and i feel so helpless and hopeless. my sadness hasn't changed, and my love for you remains stronger for you with every passing day. i think of you everyday, i am thankful God allowed me to be there in your life during the most signifigant time when you needed me the most, i would not trade it for anything that money can buy or nothing in this world. I am blessed that God gave me such a wonderful mother, i miss you so much that i haven't the words to put in writing. I miss and cherish you everyday and will continue to do so until God allows me to see you again, and one day he will. stay safe in the loving arms of God. I love and miss you more than I can say. God Bless you always. Terry
For All The Years Mom, Thank You. / Paula Jones (Daughter)
Mama I was sitting here staring at the computer screen at Elton John live in Concert and I could only think how much you would have loved that. I thought of all the great legends in life, and I thought of you and I thought of dad. You were my greatest legends and always will be. Thank you for all the years you gave me to live the life I do even if so much of the time it is spent alone and lonesome. There's not a sunset or a sunrise that my thoughts do not often go to you or of times long ago, some memory or moment caught in the wind or the smell of a flower... A breeze in the trees.... Those things are the gifts I know God sends to let me know you are still always alive inside of me. Thank you for 40 wonderful years even though at 40 I did not expect my Birthday to come after you went to be with Jesus, that was such a terrible year, a terrible day and a terrible time but somehow we all made it, me, Marilyn, Carolyn, Terry, Howard, Bill, and even Robert, and last but never least, your baby, Ray Ray. We made it this far anyway, but I know, that not one of us knows how we have done it. We all still cry, we all share memories of you both, and we all, never forget you. We do have each other, we don't realize the value in that I think most of the time, but I know we all love each other.. Thank you both again, for that. You knew long before you left that we would be needing something when you weren't here to give it to us, so you gave us each other.... Thank you so much for that mom and dad. I just wanted you to know I finally realized how much value there is to loving someone... even though I still have not found the love of my life that you always wanted me to have. I have not found anyone like Cary but I need to stop looking for Cary I know. I need to give up a few things and move on to others but I can only take a step at a time because I don't want to keep being alone. It has been very hard to lose both of you and contend with being all by myself but I have come this far and I know that somehow I will make it. Mom the pennies are so much a lifeline for me, I know I could never find them like I do, in the times that I do, and they not be sent by you, because you would know when they were needed the most. That's when I always find them and it means so very much. Thank you mom again and again, still. I really wish you were here to share my thoughts with but I know you are in a place now where all these things like worry and fear or pain and broken hearts don't hurt you anymore and I am happy that you don't have to endure it, but there is still that part of me that wants you and dad here with me, with us. I miss you mom and I miss dad, I know we all do. Thank you for all the beautiful years of having known you, loved you, been taught by you and for everything you ever did to bring me up to be the woman I am today. I will always love you mom, and I will always miss you until the day we meet again.
Dear Mom / Paula Jones (Daughter) This morning I woke up to the rain and I felt so very lonely without you and dad. Everything I thought I knew in life disappeared with you both when you left to be in Heaven. There are times I think that I will make it, times that I think the tears are going to stop, but they don't, they just come back harder and harder each time I remember that you are gone and gone forever. That is so hard to realize, so hard to accept. I feel so alone even though I know I have brothers and sisters, I still feel alone. I have finally just grown to keeping everything inside, my pain, my feelings.... it does no good to talk about anything because all it does is hurt more. I wish I could talk to you mama, I wish I could sit down and just talk to you because I know you would comfort me and I know you would say that you wouldn't know what to do for me but that you would know that I would figure it out and that whatever I decided, you knew that it would be the best thing for me, even if you did not agree. You were always like that..... even if it hurt you, you let me go. I am sorry mama for all those times I could have stayed and didn't, for all the times I could have shared a moment and didn't, for all the I love you's I could have said but didn't...., for all the times I could have held you but didn't.. I live with that guilt and heartache now, but there is no going back and doing it over. I know you see me cry mama, I know that when I am laying in my bed crying at night that you hear me and that you see me... I know that you know, I really loved you.
Mama I wish I had taken more time to tell you how much I apprecited what you did for me and for raising Desiree and all that you did for her in her life. I wanted to tell you that every time I talk to her I know that somehow I am still talking to you through her. She reflects everything about you and dad and I wish I had simply taken the time to say thank you once more before you left this life. I love you mom and miss you more than words can ever say.
I finally realized how you felt for me years ago when you loved me enough to save my life, my heart, and my soul so many times. I know now what you felt for me when I was young and I thought I knew it all, now you and I share a daughter still, even though you are gone. Direicha came up mama... I know that you know how that broke my heart but then I was close to Ray Ray and I failed I guess, just trying to help you know mama. I remember the things we talked about, you asked me to promise to see She was taken care of and I told you I would no matter what, that my door would always be open and that I would never let anybody hurt her. I know I cannot ever, ever fill your shoes mama, but I know you walk with me in mine. Keep leading the way with the pennies mama.... they give me hope to help Ray Ray and Diriecha. I miss you so much mama, but I feel you with me every single day. Thank you for being all that you were and always be. Close
Mom, today was your 73rd birthday and I missed you so much, I thought of all the times when you were here and your birthday came around and how I would always have something to give you, but most of all I missed seeing you on your special day. I miss you and I love you so much, I went out to your resting spot this evening and took flowers and cried, I know you probably saw me crying, I know you probably urged God to help me to dry my eyes, that is the kind of person you were. I honor, love and miss you always and forever, you are not on this earth anymore, But you are always in my heart and in my thoughts, happy birthday Mom. God bless you forever and keep you safe. Love Terry
Mom, It is so hard to believe so much time has passed us by and yet it seems like it was yesterday that you left and went home to be with God, I wish somehow that I could see you or talk to you, I can talk to you inside my head, but it is nothing like talking to you in person, if only I could call you and let you know how I am doing, there is no comfort in those around me, nothing can repair my hurt. I still cry for you a lot, I still feel empty and nothing consoles me at all. I know I have not written anything in a long while, But it does not mean that I do not think of you, because I think of you every single day and I always will. I miss you as much, if not more than what I did when you left us all, in fact it is probably more difficult now than what it was when you first went away. I know you are watching over me to help me get through this life, and one day we will see each other again. I love you and miss you so very much, I can't explain just how much, you will always be deep in my heart and my memories. I love you always and forever. Love Terry
I Rememeber... / Paula Jones (Daughter)
Mom How I still hear your words in my ears and of all the things I remember and ache for the most is you telling me that you loved me again. I don't know how to hang on much longer here and I know you would not ever want me to be unhappy. I promise you one day I will be happy and I will leave here. To leave you alone out there in that graveyard is all there is inside me to hang on too but I try to think you aren't there, you are with God. I try but I feel so lost and incomplete. No one knows how I feel but I keep the aching inside my heart. I love you mama and I miss you so very, very, very much.
Legacies Of You / Paula Jones (daughter) Mama two long and very hard years have gone by since you left. I think of so many many things no one knows but God. You have two more great grandsons, Christopher, 1, and Kaiden due soon. Danielle, your great grandaugter you never got to meet is almost 6. I have a hard time mama, you know, and I know you do, that these walls have been my fortress and my prison. My memories of my life, our lives.... I know one day God will see my ship out there in the darkness, I know He will always guide me, no matter how rough the seas can be in my heart for you and dad and my kids. I remember things we talked about, about them and those words I will hold forever dear in a place in my heart no one can take from me. Life is so different without you, but I promise you like I always did that I would make it through anything and everything. Atleast I got to give you that comfort because you knew I was strong. Mama, I know that you know what we did share and nothing will ever, ever close that door in my life. I will pass your memory, your legacy, your love, your generosity, your kindness, your love for the Lord and every good thing that was everything about you, to anyone who will listen. I loved you so much and I still do and I always will.
TODAY MAKE'S TWO YEAR'S. / RAY RAY JONES (CHILD)Read >>
TODAY MAKE'S TWO YEAR'S. / RAY RAY JONES (CHILD)
TODAY MAKE'S TWO YEAR'S SINCE U WENT HOME TO BE WITH THE LORD TO WALK ALONG BESIDES HIM TO BE OUR GARDEN ANGEL.SOMETIME'S IT SEEM'S LIKE IT WAS JUS YESTERDAY THAT I LOOKED INTO THOSE BEAUTIFUL SPARKLING GREEN EYE'S OF YOUR'S SINCE I FELT THAT WARM IMBRASE OF A MOTHER TO A CHILD. OTHER TIME'S IT SEEM'S LIKE IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I TALKED TO U AN U HELD ME IN YOUR ARM'S AN TOLD ME U LUV ME.IT'S BEEN SO HARD WITH OUT U MOM I MISS U SO MUCH U WHERE MY BEST FRIEND U WHERE ALWAY'S THERE FOR ME ALWAY'S U ALWAY'S LISTEN TO ME.I MISS TALKING TO U I MISS SEEING U AN SOMETIME'S I WONDER IF U MISS ME TOO. THIS TIME TWO YEAR'S AGO MOM I GOT UP AN HAD BREAKFEST WITH U NOT KNOWING THAT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME WE WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT TOGETHER ALTHOUGH I HAD THIS FEELING THAT I CAN'T EVEN PUT INTO WORD'S I JUS KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG IT WAS A FEELING THAT I FELT SO DEEPLY IN MY HEART. I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT U TALKED TO ME ABOUT AN THE THING'S U TOLD ME BOUT LIFE U WHERE SO RIGHT U ARE THE SMARTEST WOMEN I EVER KNOWN. MOM WHEN U PASSED AWAY I FELT LIKE MY SOUL HAD GONE I STILL REMEMBER THE DAY I HAD NO WORD'S TO SAY MY HEART WAS GONE I DIDNT WANT TO GO ON WITH OUT MOM U WHERE THE REASON I LIVED U WHERE AN STILL ARE MY EVERYTHING. WHEN NO ONE WANTED ME U ALWAY'S DID U GAVE ME ALL THE LUV A MOTHER COULD GIVE A CHILD MOM U WILL ALWAY'S HAVE MY HEART. MOM U WILL LIVE ON AN ON THROGH ALL OF US AN YOUR GRANDKID'S AN BY THE WAY U HAVE TWO NEW ONE'S AN ONE ON THE WAY. MOM I WILL FOREVER HOLD U IN MY HEART AND U WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN I LUV AN MISS U VERY VERY MUCH MY ANGEL.MAY GOD FOREVER HOLD U IN HIS ARMS ONE DAY MOM WE WILL MEET AGAIN.LUV ALWAYS YOUR BABY RAY RAY. Close
it is so hard to believe that today has been two years since I got to hear you speak or see you smile and most of all, be here on this earth with all of your children, it has been and continues to be very hard to understand and to accept. sometimes I wonder if you can hear me when I cry or when I just need you around and long for you to talk to. it still seems so surreal that your not here with us on Earth anymore. I miss you calling me on the phone, I miss doing things for you, I miss everything about you, but most of all I miss you. I thank you for each and every time you called on me for something when you were in need, I will never regret anything I could do to make you happy, it was and is a privledge to be your son, I thank God everyday for that. when you left I felt so much pain, and it is something that I know will never go away, something I will never forget. today is very signifigant for me Mom and it always will be, my heart is empty and I am heartbroken still that God took you home, it is something that I never imagined or wanted to imagine or accept and I have had no choice but to do so. every year for the rest of my life I will always remember the last few months I spent with you and how special they were, I know God knows what each moment was like and I know you do, I will carry that inside my heart for all time and never forget the conversations we had and all the things that you wanted me to tell everyone who didn't get to hear you say all you wanted to say to them, but I can post some of it here, there is so many loving things you had to say to everyone. the main thing you wanted all of us to know is that "you loved each one of us and that we would be alright and to trust in God and never forget him" it has been two years since you told me that, and I can keep passing on what you wanted Robert, Carolyn, Bill, Howard, Marilyn, Paula and Ray Ray to know, I can express how much you assured us all that you would always be with us, and How much you didn't want to have to leave us behind, but that God was ready for you To Journey to see your Mother and Father as well as Dad and all of your loved ones whom were waiting to see you. I know you were ready to Go home with Jesus, But I have had a very hard time accepting it, I love you and I miss you so very much, not a day goes by that I do not think of you! I am crushed without you Mom. two years ago today I watched you transition from Earth to Heaven and it was the most painful thing I have ever endured, and I hope and pray to see you again someday, and in God's time I know I will. I love you Mom, your presence is always felt in some way, and I thank God that he blessed me with a Mother as precious as you. love always Terry
Prayers In The Wind / Paula Jones (Daughter) I walk along the sidewalks alone, I whisper out your name, For two hard years I've missed you so And I have cried out in the rain.
I have screamed out for you in my soul whispered prayers into the wind, And I know I can never hold you now But I hold tight to once again
That my prayers will be answered, that I whisper to the wind And when those prayers are answered I will see you mom, again
Written in Memory.. Of My Mom - By your daughter, Paula Jones I love you Mom.
Mom, Thank you for carrying your 7 natural born children under your heart for 9 months at a time,and enduring all the pain to bring us into this world, thank you for loving and nurturing each and everyone of us individually and without any prejiduce of any kind, Mother's like you are a rare thing ,and I am very thankful and greatful that God blessed all of us with a mother that is and always will be as special as you. you live in my heart and in my memories and will continue to live to live through me and your other 6 natural children and including your grandchildren and great granchildren and so on. you are always in my thoughts and in my daily life, and I treasure every moment that we had together, I treasure most of all you having 7 kids that you loved and raised and without you we would not be here, I love you and am glad you knew how much I appreciated you, and I will forever until God calls me home be thankful for that in itself, without you none of us would be here. I am glad God Blessed me with you to be my mother, I thank Him daily. I love and miss you more and more everyday, I know that even though your with God above you still watch over me without fail, thank you for everything. Terry
Mom it is coming up on two years since you left to be with dad and Jesus. How I miss you so. Each day that goes by gets harder and harder for me to cope with losing you. I wanted so much just to tell you that I loved you one more time. I wanted so much to just keep you here with me, with us but I couldn't and I just feel like I failed you so badly.. I let you down. I think about so many things mom. So many things that I can never tell you again. I miss the times when I was lonely and needed to talk to you, or times when something troubled me and all I had to do was call or come over and talk to you and when I left I had peace in my heart because you would tell me what I needed to do or how to deal with whatever was going on in my life.... and you were always right. I think of how I never learned how to make your yeast rolls, or homeade chicken and dumplings. I think about all the things I never took the time to do with you and now I live in the emptiness and loneliness that you felt mama. I feel so far away inside, so terribly without substance or reason to keep going on. I don't know how I am going to ever get myself back together. All I know that is real to me is this awful, terrible emptiness and this pain in my heart that never leaves me. I love you so much mom, I miss you in ways no one can ever understand and no matter what anyone says, there is no comfort. Thank you for the pennies mom, I wonder when I find them if you really are sending them to let me know you're thinking of me like I asked you to do that day you left. Those pennies mean so very much to me. Thank you mom for 40 wonderful years of lessons about life, love, God, hope, faith, trust.... thank you for all the years of tolerating me, loving me, washing my clothes, cooking my meals, wiping my tears, changing my diapers when I was a baby, bathing me, holding me..... teaching me right from wrong even if I did bend the rules. Thank you for loving me mama, thank you for loving me with a heart no one else will ever have the privelage or gift of knowing and experiencing like I did. Keep sending pennies mom, they keep me alive somehow.
Tributes and Condolences
